A woman's greatest need is security, whether she's growing up with her parents or living with her husband. She needs to know she is safe and provided for in every aspect.
What satisfies this need in a wife? Only the protection and provision given by God through her husband. One of the ways a husband can meet this need is by communicating that he cares for his wife above anyone or anything except God.
When a woman senses that her husband is preoccupied or detached from her in some way, she will immediately feel insecure.
When a woman senses that her husband is preoccupied or detached from her in some way, she will immediately feel insecure. She wants to know that her husband is tuned in to her needs and concerns.
In my years of counseling, I've learned that a woman knows instinctively when she isn't being cared for. This isn't always so apparent to men.
The best way a husband can determine if he is caring for his wife is to be direct: He should ask her about it. "Honey, do you feel provided for and protected? Am I caring for you properly?"
If her answer is no, then the man needs to listen carefully as she explains why not.
This can be a challenge for many men, some of whom are so preoccupied with trying to "get my wife off my back" and keep her from demanding too much that they rarely think about meeting her needs.
I like to compare it to the relationship between an employee and his or her employer. You want to get the most out of your job, and your employer holds the keys. If you work for a selfless and generous employer, you tend to feel secure and optimistic.
But if you work for a boss who is distracted, overly demanding or selfish, you lose any sense of security when you come to work. You don't enjoy it. All the fun and fulfillment can get sucked out of your job.
What would happen if your boss came up to you tomorrow and said, "You know, I've really been thinking about you lately. I wonder if there is anything I can provide for you to make your job more enjoyable. Also, am I paying you enough?"
You'd be stunned. How loyal would you be to an employer like that? How hard would you work for that kind of boss? What kind of effort and sacrifice would you put into your job in that kind of secure, nourishing atmosphere? That scenario is any employee's dream.
Of course, the employer-employee metaphor breaks down at some point—husbands: do not treat your wife as if she is your employee—but it's worth comparing the work environment to the home environment in terms of perception and security.
All husbands and wives long to live with a selfless, generous, caring spouse. This is especially true of women when it comes to their need for security. You cannot imagine the loyalty and love a woman will show a man who serves her and cares for her sacrificially.
Only by setting aside selfish needs can a husband and wife inject security into their marriage. When they do, their relationship will never be the same.
Blessings,
Jimmy Evans
Marriage Today
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